The Contents of My Infertility Folder

or "How Infertile Did I Need To Be To Join Infertility Focus"

Recently, I found my "Infertility Folder". You know, we all have one.....some of us may have more than one folder or even whole file cabinets dedicated to our pursuit of understanding infertility. My folder includes months of basal body temperature readings, various infertility articles, a pamphlet from Blue Choice outlining their coverage for an infertility patient, and my yellow folder from Westfall Ob-Gyn with the all the information about my four metrodin treatment cycles. I tried to stay open minded (well, at least on my good days) as my folder also included articles on adoption and childfree living.

My folder was started in the summer of 1994, the year I went through most of the usual testing. I was actually diagnosed with a fertility problem, hostile cervical mucus, in January 1995. Until that time, which was after our first year of marriage in September 1992, I may have scanned various articles or possibly seen pamphlets, but I never believed I was going to be labeled with infertility.

One of the strange things I uncovered in my folder is that there are three copies of the Infertility Focus Membership Application. They were located in various points in the folder. One of the applications was handed to me by my doctor, Bill Harvey, who told me he marked on my chart the day he handed me a membership application. However, it wasn’t until the third copy that the actual application was torn off and sent in. As I think back, I don’t exactly remember when I joined IF, but it seems it must have been July 1995. I always say that it was the best $10 that I have ever spent.

But as I look back, I wonder why it took me so long to join IF. I, like most, believed I would be pregnant next month. Well, there were a lot of next months, as it took 11 inseminations, laproscopic surgery, and 4 metrodin treatments, to become pregnant (August 1996). Early on I remember thinking, I don’t need any outside help as I will be pregnant soon, and why should I let anyone else know that I have a problem. Each month as we were in the doctor’s office, I noticed the IF program posters or the newsletters and thought, I will just read it here, I know I will be pregnant this time. As I sort through my folder, I realize that at least three times I had the courage to take the IF membership application home.

Infertility is faceless, and no one likes to admit that they have a problem. But joining Infertility Focus was the best thing I ever did; it helped me move forward. When I finally accepted our lot in life, I was able to take charge of my infertility and reach out to other women and couples in a similar situation. Infertility Focus allows me to give and receive. I learned how to cope emotionally with my infertility, as well as I learned another location to inject my metrodin shot (which proved to be invaluable as I was up to two shots on certain nights). I do not think I will ever be able to "give back" as much as I have "received".

We are all at different stages in our infertility, medically and emotionally. Some of us may be in the early testing stage, or have recently experienced a miscarriage, while others are preparing for a metrodin/fertinex treatment or maybe even an IVF. But whatever stage you are in, there are others in a similar situation. Infertility Focus provides a forum to meet others, either in person through events and programs, or through the Contact and Referral Helpline or the newsletter. I can only say, I am grateful for the support and information I have received and would encourage anyone struggling with infertility to join. It will be the best $10 you will ever spend.